"Meet-Ugly" Writing Prompts
Dec. 8th, 2018 05:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
impala_chickThese are prompts I like from ![[tumblr.com profile]](https://www.tumblr.com/favicon.ico)
allirica's tumblr post. Master List HERE.
•“You’re my new neighbour and I came over at 7am to introduce myself but it turns out you work late shifts and I woke you up and now you hate me”
•“I was waiting for the bus in the rain and you drove past and soaked me in water. Now I’m at a coffee shop and hey look who’s here”
•“It’s 3am on Christmas Day, it’s freezing cold and snowing, and the whole apartment building is stood outside in their pyjamas freezing their butts off because you accidentally set off the fire alarm”
•“I’m the best man for my best friend/sibling’s/relative’s wedding, the groom/bride asked me to do a last minute errand and you just bumped into me and spilled coffee down my suit, thanks a lot jerk”(Or bridesmaid/best woman/whatever fits)
•“I got into an argument with a random stranger over something, a week later I’m in my best friend’s bridal/groom party and oh you’re also in it and I’ve been paired up with you, great”
•“You decided to move your buddy’s car as a prank, but you got the wrong car and now I think you’re breaking into my car, what the hell is wrong with you”
•“You got drunk, knocked on my door at 4am, obnoxiously flirted with me and then vomited all over my feet, now it’s the next day, you’re hungover and you apparently have no idea why I keep glaring at you”
•“It took me forever to get a taxi to stop and then you just swoop in and steal it, what the hell is wrong with you?”
•“We’re on rival sports/debate/academic teams and you always seem to just gun for me, what the hell is your problem?”
•“You took the last cheesecake at the store even though I was reaching for it, I don’t care if you’re cute go to hell”
•“I’m a literature/theology/etc professor, you’re a math professor, it’s my first day and you have no idea who I am and start slating the subject I teach, who do you think you are?”
•“I’m on a date, you’re our server and the person I’m with keeps treating you obnoxiously and doesn’t tip at the end, now you think I’m an asshole too because I was on a date with them”
•“I kind of accidentally insulted your best friend/sibling/relative so now you hate me but I have no idea who you are”
•“You’re the guy interviewing me for a job but I just gave probably the worst interview ever and now you think I’m an incompetent weirdo”
•“Your Mail keeps getting delivered to me, but it’s happened so often that now you think I’m stealing your mail”
•“You just started a new job and the first thing you did was ask me to make you a coffee, guess what jerk I’m actually your new boss”
•“I’m a Doctor, you’re the new intern, that is the worst IV placement I’ve ever seen how do I get stuck with the incompetent ones?”
•“You Just pushed in front of me in line and roll your eyes when I protest”
•“We accidentally switched bags at the airport, but we’re both tired and grumpy and somehow we went up arguing about it?”
•“I just slid on some ice and fell on my ass and I notice you laughing at me, let’s see how funny it is when I push you on your ass, jerk”
•“I’m in a diner on Christmas Day, you’re working in the diner on Christmas Day and super grumpy about it, but please don’t take it out on me”
•“You Just assumed I’m a sex worker because of how tight my jeans are and tried to solicit me, oh boy are you about to get an earful”
•“I stopped you to ask for directions and you sent me in the complete wrong direction, now we’re on the same train journey home and you can bet your ass I’m going to glare at you the entire time”
•“You’re in an art class, I’m the nude model, and hey what the hell, that is the ugliest painting of me I’ve ever seen, I’m actually insulted”
•“I was hitchhiking and you stopped to pick me up but wow you kinda look like a serial killer, so I’m gonna pass thanks”
•“I accidentally trespassed onto your property, but seriously, that sign is practically invisible and there’s really no need to be such a jerk about it”
•“Uh hey you’ve parked blocking my drive, if you don’t move I’m going to just drive into your precious car”
•“We’re neighbours and you keep me up every night talking on the phone, who the hell are you talking to and will you please shut the hell up”
•“You’re my new neighbour, but you decided to move in at 6am so I already hate you”
•“I assumed you were homeless because of your clothes so I gave you a ten bucks, but then you literally chased me down the street in outrage and shoved a couple of hundred dollars in my hand because apparently you’re rich and now super offended”
•“You’re a top rated chef and I’m a restaurant reviewer, I just tried the food at your new restaurant and I’m sorry but this is dreadful”
•“You shoved past me on the way to the elevator because you’re late to an interview and in a rush, but guess what, I’m the person interviewing you”
•“It’s Christmas Eve, you just had a long shift and want to sleep, but I just fell off my balcony trying to hang Up festive lights and banged on your balcony window and woke you up, hi sorry about that”
•“You live just across the street from me and I just put up all of my festive decorations, but you just banged on my door to complain at all of the tacky lights and ornaments because apparently you’re literally the grinch”
•"You’re an on call firefighter who just got pulled away from their family on Christmas Day because I set fire to the macaroni cheese in my oven, but hey, I’m on my own on Christmas Day eating macaroni cheese, I’ve got it worse buddy”
•“I do ghost hunter videos looking into supernatural creatures, you’re an actual supernatural creature and you’re tired of my bullshit and incorrect facts so you’ve come to call me out on it”
•“I went to the laundry room to move my wet clothes to the dryer, only to find someone has taken my clothes out of the machine and dumped it on the side to put their own clothes in, what the hell is wrong with you?”
•“I broke down on the side of the road and tried to flag you down for help, but you just drove past. I got towed to the shop and hey guess who the mechanic is”
•“The first time we met was two years ago when I’d just broken up with your sibling, now we work together, this is awkward”
•“I just moved into the apartment above you and I accidentally flooded my bath and it’s gone into your apartment, whoops”
•“We were both ice skating and I crashed into you and broke your leg, yikes”
•“It’s my first day on the job and the first time I meet you is on your way out because you’ve been fired, this is awkward”
•“I’m a celebrity at a bar and I just heard you trash talking me to your buddies bc you have no idea I’m behind you. Hi there”
•“You’re a stranger who just tried to the pull the fake dating thing to appease your family/ex/whatever, but I didn’t play along and instead called you out and embarrassed you in front of everyone, whoops”
•“You’re a cop who just arrested me on Christmas Eve night over something ridiculous, but because you’re an actual grinch you now won’t let me go easy”
•“It’s Halloween and I’m taking my siblings/cousins trick or treating and you literally gave them toothpaste oh my god”
•“It’s New Year’s Eve and I just vomited in the back of the taxi, passed out, and didn’t pay…sorry about that”
•“You Just dropped something and I’m trying to catch up to you to give it back, but you think I’m kind of a weirdo”
•“We both go to a yoga class and I actually hit/kicked/knocked you over in my very first class and now you hate me”
•“I’ve never met you since you live so far away, but literally all of your family adore me, except when we meet you can’t stand me”
•“I accidentally ruined your wedding, please let me make it up to you both”
•“We’re lawyers on opposite sides of a case, but you’re kind of incredibly attractive and wow this could get messy”
And here are the meet-ugly prompts fromveronicabunchwrites's tumblr post.
01. we were set up on a blind date but it went horribly, so now you message me every time you have a good date because you think your tips will help me in the future, you ass
02. I bought a house three months ago but I’m finally moving in and discover you’ve been squatting because you’re homeless
05. I’m a pro-athlete at a press conference and I make a comment to my buddy about you because I forgot my mic was on
06. in a moment of stupidity, I keyed what I thought was my ex’s car only to be surprised when you come screaming towards me
09. we’re strangers who meet at a bar, get drunk, and wake up to announcements of our new engagement all over our social media - what did we do???
14. you caught me doing something a few weeks ago but didn’t report me and now you’re trying to blackmail me into secretly tutoring you even though you and your friends have always been assholes, no I don’t ‘owe’ you
15. I step out of the bathroom and right into the middle of a bar fight and you punch me accidentally so I punch back on instinct
16. we’re on the longest flight ever and I’m a bad flier to begin with but you’ve fallen asleep on my shoulder and are snoring SO LOUD
17. my friend trips and scrapes their knee but I faint at the sight of blood and collapse. your attempt to catch me doesn’t go as planned and you ripped your new suit/dress/jacket
18. we were just introduced at a party by our mutual friend and when my partner comes to join us, you freak out because you were just outside making out with them and you pull me aside to tell me
19. you’re in the middle of giving me your phone number when the cops show up to arrest you and wait! wait! I didn’t hear the last two numbers!
20. you’re the town’s super villain and you take me hostage because you saw the super hero talking to me but I’m new in town and was asking them for directions
21. I have headphones in and I’m on the phone with my friend, insulting them in a joking manner, but you think I’m talking to you and start to give me a piece of your mind
22. you’re on a date with this awful, awful person who keeps getting under my skin because my friend and I have been eavesdropping all night and your date says something that makes me snap … I thought it was a first date, not a three year relationship
23. our mutual friend has been talking us up to the other and when we finally meet, we have to tell them that we’ve been in a feud for the last six years (and I can’t stop thinking of all the nice things our friend has said about you)
25. a friend set us up on a blind date but you never showed so when we meet at our friend’s party, I refuse to talk to you
27. we had one-night stands with roommates and sneak out of the house at the same time
28. I’m a famous singer and you’re the new techie who just tripped and pulled the plug out of my microphone mid-concert [extra awkward if they lip sync, extra badass if they keep singing and their voice is still on point]
29. I’m a professional athlete and I just fired my personal assistant and my manager sent you over but you don’t even know what sport I play or who my team is
30. my friend was coming onto you but you were clearly not comfortable so I tell them that I called dibs before they came in and they walk away and you slap me because you’re not a thing someone can call ‘dibs’ on but really, I said that so they’d move on because they’re kind of an ass
31. I cancel our first date when I find out you have a kid because no thank you, and then I meet your kid a few weeks later and we start to get to know each other and when they introduce me to you I feel like an idiot
32. my friend drags me to the concert of some boy band that I can’t stand because they didn’t want to go alone and you overhear me complaining about how awful they are and decide to prove me wrong in a heated debate
33. you’re a nobody actor who comes in for a chemistry read for the part of my love interest but we end up arguing instead of reading [maybe I like that about you and demand for you to be hired or maybe I’m annoyed that you spoke to me like that so I say that I don’t want to work with you and they hire you anyway]
34. my friend stupidly told you that I dared him to ask you out and you come over to yell at me about it, but really, I dared him because I didn’t think you’d say yes to him (and you don’t know what’s worse)
35. we meet in a cemetery and you’re playing a song really loudly from your car and it’s so disrespectful so I tell you as much and you say, “it was their favourite song” and now I feel like an ass
36. it’s mid-apocalypse and you break into my secret shelter and I swear I’ll kill you if you don’t give me three damn good reasons why I shouldn’t
37. your potential future-father-in-law has hired my P.I. office to uncover any dirt on you, but you catch onto me following you and demand to know what I want and who hired me and it does not go well
38. I overhear you ordering your coffee in a coffee shop and I’m trying to place your voice when I realize that you’re the phone sex operator I’ve been calling on and off for the last few months but the realization startles me so much that I accidentally spill my drink on you and you’re pissed
39. I hire you to be the stripper at my friend’s bachelor/ette party and you’re the T.A. for my favourite class
41. I’m at the 24/7 gym at 2 in the morning and I thought I was alone so I’m singing in the showers, but when you start singing with me, I’m startled and slip so the first time we meet, we’re both wet and naked
42. I’m talking about how “anyone could make this” at an art gallery and I didn’t realize you’re the artist
43. my family moves in the middle of my senior year of high school and now I’m the first real threat to you for valedictorian and you make it very clear that you’re going to do anything to win but I haven’t worked this hard to lose it all now
44. you’re new to the neighbourhood but this street is famous for how we decorate for the christmas holidays so I come to offer to help with some of my extra decorations and you refuse because you hate christmas
46. we enter the same competition and I’ll be damned if anyone but me wins
49. I mistake you for someone else from behind and jump on your back so we both fall down and you’re reasonably pissed
50. we bump into each other so often that the first time we talk, you demand to know why I’m following you and if your ex set me up for this and I swear it’s a coincidence but you don’t seem to believe me
51. an old high school rival snidely asks if I’m still single ‘like always’ when we bump into each other at the bar, so I grab you and introduce you as my significant other … except that you’re my rival’s S.O. and they demand an explanation and fuck
52. you think I’m leering at you in the gym but really I’m studying your form and trying to learn how to make mine better
53. you get up fifteen minutes into the first lecture of the semester and I’m a new professor who calls you out for it because I just told you this is my first class, can’t you cut me some slack? and you awkwardly say that you’re in the wrong room
55. my twin clearly did something to piss you off, but you obviously don’t know I’m a twin so I’m listening to you tell me how much of an asshole I am and am very amused and it’s making you angrier
56. you called me mean things when we were in kindergarten and then moved away but we just crashed into each other on campus and I’m short with you because I haven’t forgotten
57. we’re fighting over the last box of half-off valentine’s day chocolate and end up in a “who has it worse” battle
61. your music is so goddamn loud and I need sleep so would you TURN IT OFF
62. you set off the fire alarm and I have a test tomorrow, and I might strangle you
63. sometimes I steal flowers from your garden on my way to the cemetery, but today you’ve caught me and have demanded to come with me to make sure the “[person] is [attractive] enough to warrant flower theft” and I’m trying to figure out how to break it to you that we’re on our way to a graveyard (credit)
67. apparently you think that I’m your friend’s ex and you’ve been prank calling me for weeks but it’s not funny anymore so I’m tracking you down
70. you’re planning my best friend’s wedding which we find out the day after you drunkenly hit on me at a bar and I reject you
71. you’re famous and you want to hide out in my bookstore which is fine except the stupid paparazzi won’t leave and now there’s a photo of us in the tabloids and they’re printing misinformation and why the fuck won’t you clear this up on your twitter account
72. you just hit me in the face with a snowball, what do you have to say for yourself, fucker?
74. I’m not sure how it happened but the tabloids have declared us in a massive feud, except I’m not even sure who you are or why you’re calling me to ask me why I started this rumour
76. it’s my birthday and you just fucking ruined my party and I don’t even know you
77. a prophecy said that we’ll save the world together but I’ll be damned if I enjoy your company while we do because you insulted my best friend the first time we met
82. I don’t know that I’m a magical being (witch/warlock/etc.) and you’re the asshole who tries to kill me BUT I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS GOING ON SO CARE TO EXPLAIN BEFORE YOU DO
84. I’m not entirely sure who you are but we’ve been in a massive prank war ever since your first prank on your friend went awry and I was covered in paint
91. you’re my boss’ kid and when we’re introduced, I realized that you’re the awkward one-night-stand I had three years ago (a infamous story my friends still tease me about to this day) and you don’t seem to remember me
92. you’re my best friend’s sibling / my sibling’s best friend and we’ve never gotten along, so of course it had to be you to find me stuck outside my house naked even though we haven’t seen each other in over two years
95. you just witnessed me kill a guy and I have a really, really good reason for it, please don’t call the cops
98. I’ve been hired to kill you, but you don’t seem that concerned???
100. you call the cops on me because you think I’m breaking into your neighbour’s house, but I just moved in and like an idiot, locked myself out, and you won’t listen to me.
•“You’re my new neighbour and I came over at 7am to introduce myself but it turns out you work late shifts and I woke you up and now you hate me”
•“I was waiting for the bus in the rain and you drove past and soaked me in water. Now I’m at a coffee shop and hey look who’s here”
•“It’s 3am on Christmas Day, it’s freezing cold and snowing, and the whole apartment building is stood outside in their pyjamas freezing their butts off because you accidentally set off the fire alarm”
•“I’m the best man for my best friend/sibling’s/relative’s wedding, the groom/bride asked me to do a last minute errand and you just bumped into me and spilled coffee down my suit, thanks a lot jerk”(Or bridesmaid/best woman/whatever fits)
•“I got into an argument with a random stranger over something, a week later I’m in my best friend’s bridal/groom party and oh you’re also in it and I’ve been paired up with you, great”
•“You decided to move your buddy’s car as a prank, but you got the wrong car and now I think you’re breaking into my car, what the hell is wrong with you”
•“You got drunk, knocked on my door at 4am, obnoxiously flirted with me and then vomited all over my feet, now it’s the next day, you’re hungover and you apparently have no idea why I keep glaring at you”
•“It took me forever to get a taxi to stop and then you just swoop in and steal it, what the hell is wrong with you?”
•“We’re on rival sports/debate/academic teams and you always seem to just gun for me, what the hell is your problem?”
•“You took the last cheesecake at the store even though I was reaching for it, I don’t care if you’re cute go to hell”
•“I’m a literature/theology/etc professor, you’re a math professor, it’s my first day and you have no idea who I am and start slating the subject I teach, who do you think you are?”
•“I’m on a date, you’re our server and the person I’m with keeps treating you obnoxiously and doesn’t tip at the end, now you think I’m an asshole too because I was on a date with them”
•“I kind of accidentally insulted your best friend/sibling/relative so now you hate me but I have no idea who you are”
•“You’re the guy interviewing me for a job but I just gave probably the worst interview ever and now you think I’m an incompetent weirdo”
•“Your Mail keeps getting delivered to me, but it’s happened so often that now you think I’m stealing your mail”
•“You just started a new job and the first thing you did was ask me to make you a coffee, guess what jerk I’m actually your new boss”
•“I’m a Doctor, you’re the new intern, that is the worst IV placement I’ve ever seen how do I get stuck with the incompetent ones?”
•“You Just pushed in front of me in line and roll your eyes when I protest”
•“We accidentally switched bags at the airport, but we’re both tired and grumpy and somehow we went up arguing about it?”
•“I just slid on some ice and fell on my ass and I notice you laughing at me, let’s see how funny it is when I push you on your ass, jerk”
•“I’m in a diner on Christmas Day, you’re working in the diner on Christmas Day and super grumpy about it, but please don’t take it out on me”
•“You Just assumed I’m a sex worker because of how tight my jeans are and tried to solicit me, oh boy are you about to get an earful”
•“I stopped you to ask for directions and you sent me in the complete wrong direction, now we’re on the same train journey home and you can bet your ass I’m going to glare at you the entire time”
•“You’re in an art class, I’m the nude model, and hey what the hell, that is the ugliest painting of me I’ve ever seen, I’m actually insulted”
•“I was hitchhiking and you stopped to pick me up but wow you kinda look like a serial killer, so I’m gonna pass thanks”
•“I accidentally trespassed onto your property, but seriously, that sign is practically invisible and there’s really no need to be such a jerk about it”
•“Uh hey you’ve parked blocking my drive, if you don’t move I’m going to just drive into your precious car”
•“We’re neighbours and you keep me up every night talking on the phone, who the hell are you talking to and will you please shut the hell up”
•“You’re my new neighbour, but you decided to move in at 6am so I already hate you”
•“I assumed you were homeless because of your clothes so I gave you a ten bucks, but then you literally chased me down the street in outrage and shoved a couple of hundred dollars in my hand because apparently you’re rich and now super offended”
•“You’re a top rated chef and I’m a restaurant reviewer, I just tried the food at your new restaurant and I’m sorry but this is dreadful”
•“You shoved past me on the way to the elevator because you’re late to an interview and in a rush, but guess what, I’m the person interviewing you”
•“It’s Christmas Eve, you just had a long shift and want to sleep, but I just fell off my balcony trying to hang Up festive lights and banged on your balcony window and woke you up, hi sorry about that”
•“You live just across the street from me and I just put up all of my festive decorations, but you just banged on my door to complain at all of the tacky lights and ornaments because apparently you’re literally the grinch”
•"You’re an on call firefighter who just got pulled away from their family on Christmas Day because I set fire to the macaroni cheese in my oven, but hey, I’m on my own on Christmas Day eating macaroni cheese, I’ve got it worse buddy”
•“I do ghost hunter videos looking into supernatural creatures, you’re an actual supernatural creature and you’re tired of my bullshit and incorrect facts so you’ve come to call me out on it”
•“I went to the laundry room to move my wet clothes to the dryer, only to find someone has taken my clothes out of the machine and dumped it on the side to put their own clothes in, what the hell is wrong with you?”
•“I broke down on the side of the road and tried to flag you down for help, but you just drove past. I got towed to the shop and hey guess who the mechanic is”
•“The first time we met was two years ago when I’d just broken up with your sibling, now we work together, this is awkward”
•“I just moved into the apartment above you and I accidentally flooded my bath and it’s gone into your apartment, whoops”
•“We were both ice skating and I crashed into you and broke your leg, yikes”
•“It’s my first day on the job and the first time I meet you is on your way out because you’ve been fired, this is awkward”
•“I’m a celebrity at a bar and I just heard you trash talking me to your buddies bc you have no idea I’m behind you. Hi there”
•“You’re a stranger who just tried to the pull the fake dating thing to appease your family/ex/whatever, but I didn’t play along and instead called you out and embarrassed you in front of everyone, whoops”
•“You’re a cop who just arrested me on Christmas Eve night over something ridiculous, but because you’re an actual grinch you now won’t let me go easy”
•“It’s Halloween and I’m taking my siblings/cousins trick or treating and you literally gave them toothpaste oh my god”
•“It’s New Year’s Eve and I just vomited in the back of the taxi, passed out, and didn’t pay…sorry about that”
•“You Just dropped something and I’m trying to catch up to you to give it back, but you think I’m kind of a weirdo”
•“We both go to a yoga class and I actually hit/kicked/knocked you over in my very first class and now you hate me”
•“I’ve never met you since you live so far away, but literally all of your family adore me, except when we meet you can’t stand me”
•“I accidentally ruined your wedding, please let me make it up to you both”
•“We’re lawyers on opposite sides of a case, but you’re kind of incredibly attractive and wow this could get messy”
And here are the meet-ugly prompts from
01. we were set up on a blind date but it went horribly, so now you message me every time you have a good date because you think your tips will help me in the future, you ass
02. I bought a house three months ago but I’m finally moving in and discover you’ve been squatting because you’re homeless
05. I’m a pro-athlete at a press conference and I make a comment to my buddy about you because I forgot my mic was on
06. in a moment of stupidity, I keyed what I thought was my ex’s car only to be surprised when you come screaming towards me
09. we’re strangers who meet at a bar, get drunk, and wake up to announcements of our new engagement all over our social media - what did we do???
14. you caught me doing something a few weeks ago but didn’t report me and now you’re trying to blackmail me into secretly tutoring you even though you and your friends have always been assholes, no I don’t ‘owe’ you
15. I step out of the bathroom and right into the middle of a bar fight and you punch me accidentally so I punch back on instinct
16. we’re on the longest flight ever and I’m a bad flier to begin with but you’ve fallen asleep on my shoulder and are snoring SO LOUD
17. my friend trips and scrapes their knee but I faint at the sight of blood and collapse. your attempt to catch me doesn’t go as planned and you ripped your new suit/dress/jacket
18. we were just introduced at a party by our mutual friend and when my partner comes to join us, you freak out because you were just outside making out with them and you pull me aside to tell me
19. you’re in the middle of giving me your phone number when the cops show up to arrest you and wait! wait! I didn’t hear the last two numbers!
20. you’re the town’s super villain and you take me hostage because you saw the super hero talking to me but I’m new in town and was asking them for directions
21. I have headphones in and I’m on the phone with my friend, insulting them in a joking manner, but you think I’m talking to you and start to give me a piece of your mind
22. you’re on a date with this awful, awful person who keeps getting under my skin because my friend and I have been eavesdropping all night and your date says something that makes me snap … I thought it was a first date, not a three year relationship
23. our mutual friend has been talking us up to the other and when we finally meet, we have to tell them that we’ve been in a feud for the last six years (and I can’t stop thinking of all the nice things our friend has said about you)
25. a friend set us up on a blind date but you never showed so when we meet at our friend’s party, I refuse to talk to you
27. we had one-night stands with roommates and sneak out of the house at the same time
28. I’m a famous singer and you’re the new techie who just tripped and pulled the plug out of my microphone mid-concert [extra awkward if they lip sync, extra badass if they keep singing and their voice is still on point]
29. I’m a professional athlete and I just fired my personal assistant and my manager sent you over but you don’t even know what sport I play or who my team is
30. my friend was coming onto you but you were clearly not comfortable so I tell them that I called dibs before they came in and they walk away and you slap me because you’re not a thing someone can call ‘dibs’ on but really, I said that so they’d move on because they’re kind of an ass
31. I cancel our first date when I find out you have a kid because no thank you, and then I meet your kid a few weeks later and we start to get to know each other and when they introduce me to you I feel like an idiot
32. my friend drags me to the concert of some boy band that I can’t stand because they didn’t want to go alone and you overhear me complaining about how awful they are and decide to prove me wrong in a heated debate
33. you’re a nobody actor who comes in for a chemistry read for the part of my love interest but we end up arguing instead of reading [maybe I like that about you and demand for you to be hired or maybe I’m annoyed that you spoke to me like that so I say that I don’t want to work with you and they hire you anyway]
34. my friend stupidly told you that I dared him to ask you out and you come over to yell at me about it, but really, I dared him because I didn’t think you’d say yes to him (and you don’t know what’s worse)
35. we meet in a cemetery and you’re playing a song really loudly from your car and it’s so disrespectful so I tell you as much and you say, “it was their favourite song” and now I feel like an ass
36. it’s mid-apocalypse and you break into my secret shelter and I swear I’ll kill you if you don’t give me three damn good reasons why I shouldn’t
37. your potential future-father-in-law has hired my P.I. office to uncover any dirt on you, but you catch onto me following you and demand to know what I want and who hired me and it does not go well
38. I overhear you ordering your coffee in a coffee shop and I’m trying to place your voice when I realize that you’re the phone sex operator I’ve been calling on and off for the last few months but the realization startles me so much that I accidentally spill my drink on you and you’re pissed
39. I hire you to be the stripper at my friend’s bachelor/ette party and you’re the T.A. for my favourite class
41. I’m at the 24/7 gym at 2 in the morning and I thought I was alone so I’m singing in the showers, but when you start singing with me, I’m startled and slip so the first time we meet, we’re both wet and naked
42. I’m talking about how “anyone could make this” at an art gallery and I didn’t realize you’re the artist
43. my family moves in the middle of my senior year of high school and now I’m the first real threat to you for valedictorian and you make it very clear that you’re going to do anything to win but I haven’t worked this hard to lose it all now
44. you’re new to the neighbourhood but this street is famous for how we decorate for the christmas holidays so I come to offer to help with some of my extra decorations and you refuse because you hate christmas
46. we enter the same competition and I’ll be damned if anyone but me wins
49. I mistake you for someone else from behind and jump on your back so we both fall down and you’re reasonably pissed
50. we bump into each other so often that the first time we talk, you demand to know why I’m following you and if your ex set me up for this and I swear it’s a coincidence but you don’t seem to believe me
51. an old high school rival snidely asks if I’m still single ‘like always’ when we bump into each other at the bar, so I grab you and introduce you as my significant other … except that you’re my rival’s S.O. and they demand an explanation and fuck
52. you think I’m leering at you in the gym but really I’m studying your form and trying to learn how to make mine better
53. you get up fifteen minutes into the first lecture of the semester and I’m a new professor who calls you out for it because I just told you this is my first class, can’t you cut me some slack? and you awkwardly say that you’re in the wrong room
55. my twin clearly did something to piss you off, but you obviously don’t know I’m a twin so I’m listening to you tell me how much of an asshole I am and am very amused and it’s making you angrier
56. you called me mean things when we were in kindergarten and then moved away but we just crashed into each other on campus and I’m short with you because I haven’t forgotten
57. we’re fighting over the last box of half-off valentine’s day chocolate and end up in a “who has it worse” battle
61. your music is so goddamn loud and I need sleep so would you TURN IT OFF
62. you set off the fire alarm and I have a test tomorrow, and I might strangle you
63. sometimes I steal flowers from your garden on my way to the cemetery, but today you’ve caught me and have demanded to come with me to make sure the “[person] is [attractive] enough to warrant flower theft” and I’m trying to figure out how to break it to you that we’re on our way to a graveyard (credit)
67. apparently you think that I’m your friend’s ex and you’ve been prank calling me for weeks but it’s not funny anymore so I’m tracking you down
70. you’re planning my best friend’s wedding which we find out the day after you drunkenly hit on me at a bar and I reject you
71. you’re famous and you want to hide out in my bookstore which is fine except the stupid paparazzi won’t leave and now there’s a photo of us in the tabloids and they’re printing misinformation and why the fuck won’t you clear this up on your twitter account
72. you just hit me in the face with a snowball, what do you have to say for yourself, fucker?
74. I’m not sure how it happened but the tabloids have declared us in a massive feud, except I’m not even sure who you are or why you’re calling me to ask me why I started this rumour
76. it’s my birthday and you just fucking ruined my party and I don’t even know you
77. a prophecy said that we’ll save the world together but I’ll be damned if I enjoy your company while we do because you insulted my best friend the first time we met
82. I don’t know that I’m a magical being (witch/warlock/etc.) and you’re the asshole who tries to kill me BUT I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS GOING ON SO CARE TO EXPLAIN BEFORE YOU DO
84. I’m not entirely sure who you are but we’ve been in a massive prank war ever since your first prank on your friend went awry and I was covered in paint
91. you’re my boss’ kid and when we’re introduced, I realized that you’re the awkward one-night-stand I had three years ago (a infamous story my friends still tease me about to this day) and you don’t seem to remember me
92. you’re my best friend’s sibling / my sibling’s best friend and we’ve never gotten along, so of course it had to be you to find me stuck outside my house naked even though we haven’t seen each other in over two years
95. you just witnessed me kill a guy and I have a really, really good reason for it, please don’t call the cops
98. I’ve been hired to kill you, but you don’t seem that concerned???
100. you call the cops on me because you think I’m breaking into your neighbour’s house, but I just moved in and like an idiot, locked myself out, and you won’t listen to me.